Mornings

Blah.  I hate the word itself now.  Just felt like griping this morning.  I don't think I have ever described what my days including mornings are like.  This illness is really destroying the joy I used to get from mornings.  Some people are morning people and some aren't.  I never really claimed to be a morning person but I did used to enjoy getting up early to start my day so that I would be done with my work earlier in the day.  The hemicrania continua has turned mornings into something awful.  I can't just get up and cheerfully start my day anymore.  I set an alarm the night before but when it goes off immediately my head is killing me.  I get up and bring my ice pack back to bed with me, setting and resetting my alarm several times until I finally realize the pain is not going away so I might as well get out of bed.  I make myself some coffee, check my email and then usually get to work.  I work a couple hours until the girls wake up then stop.  Next is breakfast and then school work.  After school work, lunch and chores are done I am back to work late in the afternoon.  Next a break for cooking and eating dinner then back to work again.  Some nights I work until 11:30 or midnight.  People are amazed when I tell them what I do every day with my condition.  They say they don't see how I do it.  I really don't know how, I just keep going.  But that has been my life for quite a while now since I have had this.  I just keep going through life, not necessarily enjoying any of it, but what is the phrase I am looking for?  Ah, yes.  I just keep on keeping on.

Did I already say I have the best husband in the world?

My husband found me an ice pack with a velcro strap, yay!!!  That might not be so exciting to most folks but for me I could almost cry tears of joy.  Now I can keep my ice pack on my head and have my hands free to type for work (or blogging of course!).  It even stays cold for 8 hours out of the freezer.  My youngest daughter was a little disappointed at first that it was already "invented" in her words because she wanted to grow up and invent an ice pack with a strap for me, but then she was very happy as that meant I can do more things with my ice pack on instead of just lying on the couch. 

I do miss having large holiday get-togethers with family and friends but I just can't handle the noise and stress.  My oldest daughter turned 17 last month and she only asked if I would make her a cake instead of having a big party.  We did not go anywhere Thanksgiving either.  I plan to at least go visit family for Christmas.  Hey maybe we can have some lovely family photos with me wearing my snazzy ice pack! :-)

Still no news from the headache expert folks.  Guess I will be having that anniversary after all.  On the bright side, my pain management doctor has started me on a different long acting medication that seems to take the edge off like the short acting stuff did but without such dramatic highs and lows of pain relief and it lasts around 5 hours or so instead of 1 or 2.  It also does not make me as mean and irritable as the old medication did.  I try not to think about it but I can't help but wonder if anything would actually bring the pain down even half its normal level.  I really don't believe that there is a medication out there that will.  Of course there are plenty of medications that can make me go to sleep so I don't feel it, but I just want to feel better and go on about my day instead of sleep through the day.  Even the strong long acting meds seem to have no effect on the "stabs" that I get on top of the constant headache.  Oh well as I am stab free right now guess I better try to be productive.

Addicted to ice packs

Is it a bad thing to be addicted to???  It seems I can only go a couple hours without using one for the past few weeks.  I guess I jinxed myself saying I didn't have bad days all of the time.  I need an ice pack that stays attached to my head all day long!  Can't wait to meet with the new doc and see if he can help.