Happy birthday to me

Well today was my birthday.  I won't be telling you my age although I will say that I can't say I am 29 anymore now that my oldest child is 17 (besides both kids now are saying Mom, how many years have you been 29 now).  Oh well.  I have such a wonderful family and friends that have tried really hard to make my birthday special.  I really do feel loved and I am trying to remember to be thankful for the great things I do have in my life like my family and friends instead of focusing on the pain.  I am afraid the struggle with chronic pain has led to a depression problem honestly.  The pain has just touched every aspect of my life and I am sick of it.  I want my life back.  I used to have fun.  I used to be a fun mom, fun wife, fun friend, fun everything.  Now everyone has to be quiet, lights can't be too bright, etc.  I decided to quit waiting on doctors to return my calls anymore.  I decided to call the Migraine Treatment Center back and I did.  I asked a ton of questions and actually the person I talked to was very nice and tried to answer all of my questions.  When she did not know the answer she was honest and said she would have to find out and would let me know.  Anyway, my point is I decided to take a more active role in my healthcare now instead of sitting back and waiting.  I have always been waiting for someone to call me back and I am just tired of it.  I want to get better and get back to having an enjoyable life.  So I am crossing my fingers and hoping that diving in will be the right choice.  I had to fax a copy of my insurance card and they are checking it out.  They did get an approval with my insurance company for another patient there for occipital nerve stimulator implant so I am very impressed now.  I think I gave myself the best present I ever have today, a chance at being healthy and happy again.

Maybe I'm the one...

I was thinking of the song Psycho by Puddle of Mudd and can't help but think of my latest conversation with the "insurance specialist" in the NC doctor's office.  I love the doctor and the fellows that I have spoken to and also every other person on staff that I have spoken to and/or met.... that is except for the insurance specialist!  For some reason it just feels like she has a strong dislike of me!  That is where the song comes in, feeling somewhat paranoid.  I have no idea why she would dislike me but she just is very short with me.  When I told her that I had talked to a few people that fought insurance companies and got the occipital nerve stimulator implanted, they got it through the appeal process, meaning I can't appeal anything until they submit a request, she said "Well I just don't believe that, these people must not have understood exactly what you are talking about" to which I calmly replied yes, we had extensive discussions and it is the same exact surgery, to which she replies she still doesn't believe it, like I am just making things up.  She then says "Well maybe you can just go to whatever doctor they went to" at which time I say that I would like my medical records so she promptly transfers my call to the medical records department.  The person there of course was very nice and helpful (go figure).   Oh well, starting over again is a little depressing but I have been waiting since July and she has done nothing.  She talked to a representative from my insurance carrier and faxed some medical studies about occipital nerve stimulation to her.  I spoke with the insurance rep who actually was much nicer than her who was confused as to why only research info was faxed to them.  They need the doctor to actually request coverage for my surgery before they can review and make a decision.  The insurance specialist at his office will not because she says it will be immediately denied.  I feel like this one employee is causing the doctor to lose money.  Maybe they will figure it out eventually.  At first I thought about calling and speaking with the office manager about it but then I just decided to forget it.  We chronic pain patients already are on thin ice with some folks thinking we are nuts already, like we are imagining our illnesses and they are "all in our heads".  I don't have the energy to talk to another person unless I have to.  I know that is sad but it is true.  I don't want to talk unless it is a person who is important to me I am talking to, as each word actually hurts my face and head to speak.  Anyway, enough whining from me today.  I am going to try to add a link to the YouTube video for that song.  Of course for you other headache sufferers you might want to turn the sound down like me! 

http://youtu.be/pDdeOncpD5E