Tough day

Ok, so I am feeling really sorry for myself today and needed to vent.  It has been a really, really bad pain day.  On top of that the insurance specialist from the doctor's office called and said that my insurance company would not do a precertification or predetermination for the surgery so we have no clue whether they would consider paying or not.  My husband called the customer service number and I eventually just got the phone myself to talk to the (rude) customer service rep.  I explained to her the situation and what the surgery was.  She said if it says in the medical policy that it is considered investigational (which it does on the website) then there is just no coverage.  Period.  So there is no hope???  Who knows.  The insurance specialist is gone for the day, doesn't work on Fridays, and Monday is a holiday.  So it will be at least Tuesday before I can possibly get in touch with her again.  I have to get the procedure codes she used when she contacted the insurance company before I call back and talk to the rep for the group policy. 

All of this has just made me really upset today.  I am sort of unsure why.  I knew it could possibly be a long, hard process to get the insurance company to pay for the surgery.  I guess it is just because everyone I talked to on the phone today just seemed to be so completely nonchalant about it.  Oh well, sucks for you doesn't it?  That is basically the vibe I got.  I guess if they had to live their day to day life feeling like a knife is stuck in their head they might be a little more sympathetic.  Most people hear the word headache and think of taking medication, lying down for a little while and then feeling all better.  Nope, not for me.  I actually daydream of going back to the point in my life when I had migraines.  I would give just about anything to be able to only have a headache even once a week.  This constant day and night pain more of the time severe than not is probably going to drive me insane.  It has been over 2 and 1/2 years now.  I honestly believe that if I did not have a family I would not be alive today.  Without people who loved and depended on me I just wouldn't deal with this pain anymore.  I try so hard every day to enjoy my life, I mean really, really hard.  I put on a smile and pretend to be perfectly fine every day.  Everyone says "I don't know how you do it."  I honestly don't either.  I guess the hope of one day being able to have the surgery that seems to be my last hope has been one thing keeping me going.  I can no longer enjoy reading a book to my daughter, dancing, singing, playing, exercising, long conversations, laughing a lot, going to the movies or a concert.  I'm sure there are many more things but in this pain filled haze my brain isn't working right today.